(Pictured above, the time we went to Disney World during a hurricane, and the time we did a canoe trip through a swamp and our youngest cried most of the time because she hated the life jacket.)
I had a friend recently ask me how we can handle traveling with kids so much. She just took a trip with her family and she was complaining that it was not relaxing at all and several things didn’t go as planned and it was stressful.
I told her that we rarely have perfect vacations where everything goes exactly according to plan and everyone is happy all the time. But family vacations aren’t about having a perfect time or even about relaxing (although some are more relaxing than others), it’s about making memories, experiencing new things, and bonding as a family.
Learning to be flexible and open to new experiences
On our family’s most recent trip, we had plans to visit White Sands National Park (NM) in the morning, then drive into Arizona to Saguaro National Park by late afternoon, then on to Phoenix for the night. This should have been easily doable but while driving on I-10 we were suddenly faced with a dust storm and the interstate was closed. We sat inside a restaurant attached to a truck stop, thinking the storm would pass soon. But the estimated time of how long the storm would last kept pushing later and later. We played games and got snacks and made the best of it! We met people from all over the country while waiting in that truck stop restaurant that we would have never met otherwise.
Then it looked like the storm had cleared a bit and a back road had opened, so we started driving again and were excited that we could still make it to Saguaro in daylight. And then another round of dust came and took our visibility down to zero. If you’ve never gone down to zero visibility while driving, it’s pretty terrifying! You don’t know if someone behind you has stopped or is about to run into you. So we quickly pulled over and again thought and hoped it would pass quickly. It didn’t.
Thankfully, a really kind local man (who didn’t seem phased by the blowing sand and looked like he was used to hard days in the desert) knocked on our car window and told us there was a restaurant nearby, so we went there to wait it out. To be honest, this was not a restaurant I would have set foot in during normal circumstances. It looked run down and didn’t even look open. But once inside, the people were nice, the food was good, and the decor was an interesting collection of antiques and taxidermy that was fun to look at and explore. We got to learn about the fascinating history of the building, the ghosts that apparently haunt it, and our kids learned about rodeos because they had a giant screen showing rodeos (our East Coast suburban kids had no idea this sport existed). It was an authentic and memorable experience that we would have never had otherwise. We would have flown past this town going down I-10 and had no idea it was there.
We did not make it to Saguaro National Park. And because it was less than 24 hours notice we couldn’t cancel the hotel we had booked for the night so we had to drive late into the night to our hotel in Phoenix once the road opened. Despite looking ok online, the hotel was not great, the beds weren’t very comfortable, and the room had a funny smell.
Was it the day we had planned? No! Was it the best day of our trip? Also no! But it might be the day we remember and talk about the most. We all learned to be flexible and know there are some things you can’t control. We learned to make the best of the situation we were in. We learned to get out of our comfort zone and be open to new experiences. Those are priceless lessons for kids (and all humans) and lessons we would not have learned if the day went exactly as planned.
Getting out of your comfort zone
Humans are creatures of habit and we like our routines. We also like things that are comfortable and familiar. But one of the reasons I love traveling is that it breaks up those routines and familiarities, but I know for some this can cause anxiety. But the more you break up your routines and get out of your comfort zone, the more comfortable you’ll be with it. This is such a great thing for kids and teens to learn because life isn’t always predictable and comfortable. People who travel more often (and kids who grow up traveling) are more adaptable, more resilient, and more independent.
Would it be easier to take your family to a beach house on the same beach you’ve been going to for years? Yes, it would. But it will be more memorable and have a bigger impact on your kids if you do something completely different. Live in a small town? Visit a big city like New York City. It will help them see that other people live in a very different setting. You may accidentally go the wrong way on the Subway, or have to walk in the rain to a restaurant, and have to learn to be street-smart and aware of your surroundings. Is that stuff fun and relaxing? Nope. But it helps make your kids more adaptable, and it builds stronger family memories and bonds.
Or if you live in a big city, travel to National Parks and spend time hiking in nature. If your trip every year is cruise, try a road trip instead to places you’ve never been. If your trip every year is to Disney World, try going to the real Paris instead of Epcot Paris. We love our “easy” trips too (yes we also do Disney, cruises, and beach houses), but breaking it up by traveling outside of our comfort zone always makes for the best trips and the best memories.
Creating strong family bonds
Family vacations force us to spend a lot of time with each other. Especially as kids get older and busier, most of our days are not spent together all the time. We’re lucky when we get to all eat dinner together on a weeknight. But family vacations give us a lot of time together. Sometimes that means more sibling fights, but it can also lead to more sibling bonding. It can also lead to more parent frustrations as we deal with being around our imperfect kids without a break, but it can also lead to more time for good conversations, getting to know our constantly changing kids better, and having more moments of fun and laughter.
Going through new experiences together also creates strong family bonds. We once underestimated the amount of time it would take to do a hike in the mountains. The hike had a lot of rock scrambling and while our older kids loved every second, it got a bit hard for our youngest, especially as we were losing light and getting hungry. We had to work together to help our youngest, and our twins worked together when they went ahead of us and accidentally went down the wrong trail. We were all tired and hungry when we finally reached our car, but also really proud of ourselves for getting down the mountain before dark. But our kids remember it as an exciting adventure and one of their favorite memories of that trip.
Around each New Year, I like to ask my family what some of their favorite memories were from the year. They are almost always memories from our trips. And they aren’t just “when we went to Mexico.” They are usually specific moments like “that time in Mexico when we were rappelling down that waterfall and I was so scared but then I did it!” or “when we went to the pool late at night and Dad threw us in the air!”. Vacation memories stick in their minds better than other memories.
In Summary…
Don’t travel with kids to relax. Don’t expect family vacations to be perfect. If you go in with those expectations, you will always be disappointed. Travel with your kids BECAUSE it’s not easy. Travel with your kids because it makes your kids stronger, more resilient, more adaptable, and more empathetic people. Travel with your kids because it builds strong memories that your family will carry with them forever.
Now if you’d like more examples of how our trips are never perfect:
(Let’s be honest, these are sometimes more fun than seeing perfect vacation photos!)
- We once rented a house in Key West with a dock with the expectation of having a boat rental all week so we could go out and enjoy the water and snorkel whenever we wanted. The weather was crazy and the waves on the water were huge all week! We tried taking a boat out one day and it was terrifying. Instead, we did a lot of fishing from our dock. Not what we had planned, but still fun!
- We planned a big Disney World trip for early/mid November (not too hot, not too cold, not too crowded, Christmas decorations up, and past hurricane season – perfect!) And then Hurricane Nicole came through. They didn’t completely close the parks so we couldn’t get refunds, so we mobile-ordered full-body rain gear from Walmart and went to the parks in the pouring rain (I recommend Epcot on a rainy day just FYI). We embraced it and made the best of it! There were some things we didn’t get to do, but the lines were shorter at least!
- Once we couldn’t find a key to our AirBNB and we arrived at midnight and the owner couldn’t be reached so we had to stop by multiple hotels in the middle of the night until we found one with a room.
Ok, I get it, trips aren’t perfect. But I still want to try to make my vacation the best it can be…
Make a plan. Having a plan means it could go wrong of course, but having no plan is usually more stressful and causes more anxiety. Have a plan, but be ready to be flexible. Many things will go according to plan! If you’d like to use any of our plans, check out our itineraries. They are all tested and used by real families, not AI-generated, and help take a lot of research and guessing out of the planning process.
